The Human Condition, Part Two

I read the news.
A lot.
I try to keep up to date on what is happening through the world, the country, the state, the city. I like to be informed.
When I find things that upset me I do one of two things. Either let it engulf my soul entirely, or stop reading about it because I really just don't want to be sad about things.
Seems like some rather extreme behaviors, but... flawed coping mechanisms.
I'll be honest- I have not followed every detail of what's been happening in Ferguson, Missouri, over the last few months. I've picked up quite a bit of it though. It's brought to light concerns of police brutality, of racially motivated shootings, but also how quickly and irrationally we react to believe that either party was completely without fault. From the evidence I've seen, I believe that the right decision has been made. A loss of a life is tragic, regardless.
Now, I don't want to dwell on the case or argue my point. Really, what disturbs me so much about this... is how we've chosen to respond.
Riots.
Not just in Missouri, but all over the country.
We are entitled to our opinions,
we are entitled to be upset about things.
But no one is entitled under any circumstance to destroy simply because they are upset.
I'll be frank.
The idiots that are protesting are burning the city to the ground. And yes, I did say idiots. Why? I don't typically like to label people, but from what I've heard, that's the best word I can use to describe them. Lighting everything they can on fire, looting what isn't burned, and saying it is all in the name of justice for Michael Brown.
Since when was the answer to violence MORE violence?
Sadly, it seems it always has been.
Instead of trying to make this world a better place, we all seem to be set on destroying it.
I don't think anyone seems to realize the stupidity and hypocrisy behind their actions. They feel an innocent life has been taken by a police officer that overstep his boundaries and committed a crime himself. And so, as a consequence for not seeing the result they wanted, they attacked innocent people as well. Those stores you looted? That was someone's life savings, their investment, their lively-hood. The cars you burned? That hurt someone too. The city you are set on burning to the ground? That was yours.
Open your eyes.
You want a solution? Stop contributing to the problem.

The Human Condition

This is one of those posts that probably won't be happy.

It might be a little nagging.

Something has caught my attention, and when that happens I obsess over it like it might be a life or death situation.

I'm fairly certain that my inability to cope with certain things led to my hair falling out.

It's growing back now, but I need to not give it a reason to continue making me bald.

But, here we go.

I had a dear friend lose her brother-in-law a few days ago. It was covered by several news organizations because of the situation he and his family were in.

Of course the articles about Isaac and his family were posted on Facebook, and as I was reading through the kind wonderful things people were saying, the support, the love, I ran across a comment that made me sick.

Why is this news? I mean, it's sad what they're going through, but I've never heard of him.

Really?

It's "news" because his family needs help, and his situation wasn't common. Why does someone need to be widely known to be considered important enough to be "news"? 

And that got me thinking.

I started to thing about the human condition and where we are now. 

How selfish we are.

How little we care about others.

And it's a problem.

I've noticed that so many have stopped recognizing others as even being on the same level as themselves.

We focus so much on ourselves that we seem to forget the existence of others. I mean, we're aware that there are other people on this earth but how are they seen? As obstacles on our path to get what we want? As problems that we just have to deal with for a few hours, and then we'll be back on our way to whatever success we're trying to get?

I love this time of year. I love that everyone seems to focus more on what we have and what we should be thankful for. All the blessings we have and that we have more than we need. And then Christmas rolls around and we have the chance to give, to serve, to love people that sometimes, unfortunately, we'd ignore or look down on.

But then it stops. And we're right back to the selfish, demeaning society we are.

Everyone talks about the world getting worse and worse, but whose fault is that? 

It's ours.

We can't control everyone in this world. We can't stop everyone from doing bad things. But we can control ourselves. It's amazing the difference we can make. 

But it has to start here. With us. 

If everyone just

STOPPED

being selfish and being concerned about only themselves

then just imagine what this world could be.

Dear Bingham,

Dear Bingham High School Students (present day),

     First, I'd like to say that I was a student at Bingham. Woah. True Story. Not that long ago either. I have some thoughts I'd like to share with you.
   Some of you decided to stage a "walk out" to protest your disdain for the dress code imposed on you for the Homecoming dance. Um, I'm sorry. What? Could you be any more childish and naive? You're going to argue that you stood up for something that you believed in.  So explain to me all the happy smiling pictures of kids walking away from class. This was a just an excuse to leave class early because you were MAD. You were upset, and whether or not you can justify a reason to be, you did the exact wrong thing.
     A "walk out". Really? When I was in high school we attempted to organize a walk-out. Why? Because the school district had cut funding to the point that Bingham could not afford to buy PAPER. We had it all planned out. If the school district wasn't going to provide the high school with supplies to help TEACH us, then we weren't going to go to school until something changed. We were going to get up and quietly walk out of 2nd period to protest that our school did not have funding to provide a basic necessity for school work.  Some of you reading this are shaking your heads. We protested not having paper? We were going to protest not having funding by walking away? Seemed like a good idea to us. Shortly before the walk-out was going to happen, our principal got on the intercom and pleaded with us not to. Walking away from our education wasn't winning. It was a stupid thing to do. And I think most of us realized that. We stayed in class. We loved our school. We just wanted to help them.
    But you? You sluffed class because you were upset. Mean ol' Bingham told you you weren't dressed appropriately. So you threw a FIT. Good heavens, children, is this what's important to you? Wearing dresses with no backs? It makes me sick to my stomach to see where your priorities lie. In your clothes. You can dress it up to be as significant as you want. "Freedom of Speech", the "right to express ourselves." Oh yeah? Come live in Ogden with me where you can't wear a shirt with a brand name or logo on it to school. No clever sayings on t-shirts anymore. The kids in Ogden might complain that they can't wear headbands to school, but they sure didn't walk out of class because they didn't like the rules. This is what's important to you. What you wear. I'm sorry, but last time I checked my clothes don't define who I am.
   On a daily basis I live by a dress code. I work a professional job where I represent a company. I'm required to wear dress pants or a skirt that can not be more than 2 inches above my knee. I can only wear specific shoes. Am I a "professional" person? I'm a "grown-up", if that's what you consider professional... But I'd rather be wearing a Vans shirt and skinny jeans with some really beat up old-man lookin' loafers. But am I mad because I can't wear my Vans shirt to work? Did I walk out because I wasn't allowed to wear skinny jeans? Um, no. Hello, welcome to real life. Is that your master plan? Just walk away from your problems? Every time someone puts a rule into place that you don't like you're going to ignore it and then "walk away"? Grow up. Really. You don't like it? Write letters, start a petition, form actual reasons other than "expressing yourself" and present them in a professional way to the school.  Walking out isn't being an adult, that's the exact opposite of being one. You sit here and whine that you want to be treated like adults. If you want to be respected and have people listen to you, then grow up. Your sense of entitlement is disturbing. There will always be rules. There will always be laws. There will always be things that you don't like. Fight for what you believe in. Stand up against what you feel is wrong. But don't be a child an walk away because you're mad. Walking-out is not "taking a stand". Find supporting reasons and facts as to why you should be treated in such a way. Don't let your frustration or anger control you or be the basis of your argument. If a dress code has upset you this much you've got some surprises waiting for you in the real world. Things aren't fair. Get over it. And then do something about it. But don't walk away. Don't think that walking out is ever the answer. It's not. Hopefully you figure that out on your own.

Sincerely,

Kirsten Berghout.
Bingham Miner - Class of 2010

4 Years

Ah, reminiscing.
Since you people only want to read about my happy wonderful marriage, and I hate you for it, here's another happy wonderful post about the happy wonderful things that happen.
Four years ago, to the day (amazing, right? I time these post so well.) a huge part of my life changed. Matt (the husband) left to serve an LDS mission in Forth Worth, Texas for two years.  At that point, Matt and I had only known each other for about 5 months. But we were inseparable from the beginning, absolute best friends. Having him leave was a HUGE deal to me. He text me all the way to the Missionary Training Center in Provo and when he stopped responding I was pretty much distraught. I cried for a week, and that's probably not an exaggeration. For real. I don't deal well with people I like leaving me. Obviously, he was off doing an amazing thing, but I didn't miss him any less.
You'd think that I'd have some idea of what would happen once the kid got home. But if you had told me four years ago I was going to marry Matt, I wouldn't have believed you. But at the same time, it would have made complete sense. Everything happens for a reason, and somehow, some weird girl from South Jordan was supposed to meet tall blonde and handsome up in Ogden. It took us awhile to figure out what was going on, but once we did there was no stopping it.
Even though I was so mad at Texas for taking him away, I'm so glad he went. Don't get me wrong, I would have married the kid regardless of him going on a mission or not, but because he did we both grew in so many ways. It gave me a lot of time to think, a lot of time to figure out what I wanted, and I know it changed him in so many little ways, but those little things made him the rock in my life he is today. It made him stronger, kinder (if that was even possible), even quicker to forgive, and gave him the patience that he needed to put up with me. Forth Worth area, I owe you a lot. You didn't just help Matt grow, but you helped me too.
So much changes in four years. I can't even believe how much happened since September 8th, 2010. These four years have pushed me to my absolute limit, but brought on the most amazing parts of my life as well. Our family experienced in that 4 years one missionary homecoming, two graduations, my grandma passing away, three weddings, a baby, a missionary farewell, and a new 60" HD TV (this is a huge deal, actually). These four years have shaped me and changed me in ways that I can't even explain.
I wouldn't trade any of it.
I really wouldn't.
The last 4 years brought so much, and I know the next will too. I know there's going to be a lot of good. I know there's going to be challenges. There's going to be a lot of them. But it's going to be worth it, and it's going to be great. I'm excited to see where it all takes us.

4 years got us here. 4 years can get us anywhere :)

The Way You Are.

Robin Williams lost a great battle yesterday, and it makes my heart ache. Not only because we lost a great actor, comedian, and someone that I'm sure we all felt to be our friend, but because we all sat so blind to the horrible struggle he was facing.
Suicide is such a taboo topic in society. We don't talk about it. We don't ask about it. And all too often we find ourselves looking down on those that choose to end their own lives.
Why didn't they ask for help?
If only they had said something.
Didn't they know we loved them?
How could they do this to us?

I sat on the bathroom floor, crying.
I've been there plenty of times in numerous bathrooms, crying about an array of things.
I think that most people have a moment where the bathroom floor is the best place to cry.
Broken hearts,
bad grades,
losing a loved one,
someone called you ugly,
you're embarrassed for all the stupid reasons you're crying and the bathroom door has a lock.
It was a good place to cry.
I reached a low on that bathroom floor that I had never reached before, and finally all I could do was pray.
I offered a prayer that I don't think anyone should have to say, but I think a lot of us do anyway.
Help me stop hating myself.
There were a lot of things leading up to that.
Stress, unresolved anger issues towards myself that had been building since I was 15, feelings of inadequacy, and finally
hope.
Hope that I wasn't the monster I believed I was. Hope that I wasn't ugly, wasn't stupid, wasn't alone. Hope that, through God, I wouldn't always feel like this,
and that there was a way out.
And it wasn't the way out that so many resort to.
I don't want anyone to think that I'm miserable, because I'm not. There's so much good in my life, and I know it. I have the most incredible, loving, supportive husband and family. I have a million reasons to find joy in my life, and I did for the most part.
But when I was alone I didn't know what to do because I couldn't stand the thought of who I was.
Depression is the greatest battle I have ever faced, and it is continuous. Often, people find themselves attracted to any sort of temporary high, just to get them away from the pain. Addictions only deepen feelings of hatred.
It's a pain that no one understands, because we are all different.
Which is what makes it so hard.
We all face our own trials, carry our own burdens, and fight our own battles.
I've had a pretty great life. I have so much to live for, and I know I'm not as lost as I feel sometimes.
The battle against ourselves is the hardest battle we will ever fight.
Sometimes...
We lose.
I think Robin Williams got tired of fighting the relentless surge of anger, sadness, fear, and anxiety. Through the smiles and the laughs, he was tired. So he let go. He wasn't trying to hurt anyone, he was trying to save himself. It's a moment of desperation that many people will never ever have to experience. Suicide is not the answer, and it never will be, but sometimes it's the only "logic" we can find.
My first intention with posting is this: Be careful with what you say, and how you treat people, because you never know what they're going through. Be supportive, be loving, give compliments and hugs. Help people love themselves, because it's a struggle that sometimes we don't understand.
The second reason I've done this is to let you know that I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I don't want people to think they have to fix me.
That's the other thing I've learned.
I'm not broken.
No matter how often it feels like I am,
I'm not.
I'm not perfect. There will always be things that I would like to change or do better.
but...
I'm not broken.
I'm strong.
I'm beautiful.
And so are you. If you ever need help or someone to talk to I promise I will understand in every way that I can. I've been there. I'm still there.
I'm getting better though.

Mrs. Berghout's (what?) Guide to handling Social Media like a Champ.

Since I'm an expert on basically everything I decided to share my very own guidelines on how to behave on Facebook (and Instagram and other social media websites that I know nothing about.)

Rule no. 1:

Overly-vague statuses need to stop. Right this second.
 Feeling overwhelmed :O
Why.
Can't handle this right now...
what. can't handle what.
So excited!!!!!!!!
Why. Why would you possibly be excited.
BIG THINGS COMING!!
Like what? what on earth are you talking about. Blimps are big, is a blimp coming?
Feeling sick :(
Then do something about it, dang it. You're not getting my sympathy.
So Blessed :D
This means nothing to me unless you tell me why. I would like to be happy for you and feel joy with you, but you're not giving me anything to work with.
We know you're begging for attention and for people to plead on their knees for more details to your overly-vague statuses. Eventually they're going to catch on and no one will want to talk to you.
This also goes for just using the emoticons that Facebook has so wonderfully provided. If you're going to use the faces, make sure you're telling us WHY, and not in a vague way.

Rule no. 2:

There is such a thing as TOO MUCH INFORMATION (TMI, for all you hip youngsters) (WAIT. Hip + Youngsters = HIPSTERS. Figured it out, you all owe me money now.) (I'm not sure why I'd be entitled to your money, but roll with it, k, guys?) (Thanks.) (parentheses.)

For heavens sake, I do not need to know that your baby pooped on you. I especially did not need to SEE that your baby pooped on you. Thanks, but no thanks. Seriously. I know you think it's cute, but no one else does, and if they do they probably need clinical help. If you wouldn't go show your next door neighbor, don't put it on Facebook. And if on the off chance you would go show your neighbor your child's bowel movement, you probably need clinical help, too.

Rule no. 3:

Appropriateness - A good rule of thumb is "would I say this to my parents or show my younger siblings this picture?" If yes, then you're probably good to go. Everyone is going to have different standards, but that doesn't mean you should posting porn and profanity. There are children here, fo reals.

Rule no. 4.

Really, you don't need to post 4 times a day. once is probably enough. And if you're going to post multiple times, don't do it within 3 minutes of each other. I know it's hard. I know you have oh so much to say, but it's good to practice self control. Also apply this to blogging- if you love to blog and love to write, then for the love of all things holy, WRITE. But pace yourself. You don't need to write 2 posts a day every day. It's ok. We'll be here tomorrow. And the next day. and the next. Because we're addicts, and that's what we do.

Rule no. 5:

Like I just barely mentioned, we're social media addicts. that's why we find ourselves scrolling through our newsfeed even when we know nothing has change. That's why we blog, why we post pictures of our daily activities, and tell everyone what's going on today. But there's a time, definitely more frequent than we realize, that we need to put it away. Put the phone down. Close the laptop. Trust me, in 10 years your kids will NOT be thanking you for documenting every second of their lives on Facebook and Instagram. I'm sure they'd much rather be spending time with you without your phone or tablet in their face, telling them to do whatever cute thing they just did again so you can post it on various social sites. Kids are cute, I know. But this is your time with them, they don't get a whole lot of time with just you. Don't share them with the world, let them be just yours for as long as you can. We spend so much time on social media sites that we forget what life is even about - namely, LIVING.

Well, that's a good start. I'm sure I have more to say but I'm going to end it here before I make too many people mad. If anyone reading this breaks any of my rules, they're more like guidelines anyways, and I still love you. Just... promise you'll work on it, k? We'll get through this, and I promise I won't lash out at you, yet. Now go play outside.

The Parker Post

Awhile back (like, a long while back) I decided that I was going to write a post about all my immediate family members. It's taken me some time, and I still have only done two of them.
You should go back and read them.
They're nice and appreciative and loving.
That's always good.
On that note, on to installment THREE!

As you may have deduced from the title, this is about Parker.
And THIS...

Is Parker.

Parker is an awesome kid.
I guess he's not really a kid anymore. Although, despite being over 6' I could totally still take him down in a fight.
Or so I like to believe.
Parker graduated from Bingham High School at the beginning of June. This is hard for me to accept, seeing as he's my little brother and he's not supposed to ever grow up and always be as cute and little with those big blue eyes as he was when he was 4. I liked him when he was 4.
I like him now, too, I guess.
In fact, I almost always liked him, which is a compliment coming from me.
He had his moments, that's for sure. He decided to get sassy a few years ago, and none of us were ready for it.
He's mostly grown out of that, so now I'm usually the only sassy one, but every now and again he thinks he can sass still.
Parker is the sweetest thing.
He's always been so tender and so kind to everyone. He hardly ever has a negative thing to say, and if he does he feels guilty right away and follows it with a positive comment.
It drives me nuts, because no one should be that nice. No one.
The cool thing about it though is it's not fake. It's not him pretending to be that good of a person. He really is that good. 
It's a humbling thing, to look up to your little brother. Figuratively and literally.
There's days that he makes me so mad. Probably somewhat on purpose.
But even as I mutter "I'ma kill 'im." under my breath and clench my fists, I still love him.
Because who couldn't?
Really.
And now the fool is running off for two years and leaving me so he can serve a LDS mission in Sacramento.
I shouldn't be selfish, but I am. I want him to stay here with me forever and always and never leave.
He makes it so dang hard to be selfish though.
Because as I type this, with tears rolling down my face, I KNOW without a doubt, that he is doing exactly what he should, and he will be EXACTLY where he needs to be.
How can I want him HERE
when he has so much to do THERE.
But even with how much good he'll be doing, and how crazy fast (and slow) two years goes, I can't get over how much I'm going to miss him.
And he hasn't even left yet.
Parker, I hope you read this.
I hope you know how much I love you and just how proud of you I am.
You're brilliant, you're kind, sweet, loving, funny, and I cherish you. You have so much faith and trust and I admire you so much.
And before I embarrass you much more, I just wanted to add one last thing.
I know what you're doing is going to be one of the best experiences of your life. I know that you're going to be blessed in so many ways. But I know it's going to be hard too. There's going to be a lot of challenges, and a lot of things that make you wonder why they happen sometimes. But there's going to be so much good in Sacramento that everything- everything hard, sad, bad, unfair, or scary- will be worth it. I know God lives, and that Christ is our Savior and Redeemer. I know that the Book of Mormon is true, that there is a Prophet of God on earth today to lead and guide us, and that no matter what happens, we are NEVER alone. Even when it seemed everything has turned against us and that the sea is never ceasing, let your faith be everlasting.
Bud,
smile often.
because your smile is what has made all the difference to everyone you've ever encountered.
If you remember anything that I've written in this crazy rambling note, remember that.
You're brave.
You're kind.
You're my hero, for so many reason, and I love you.

The Blissful Berghout's (alliteration)

Guys, I promise this is the only post.
I promise.
Until we have access to all our beautiful wonderful pictures, and then there might be another.
I promise this is it other than that though.
Really.
There's a reason it's been over a month since Matt and I got married and this is the first you've really heard about the wedding.
I've been busy.
but that's not the reason.
I just hate newly wed posts and the "OH MY GOSH WE'RE SO SO SO IN LOVE AND NO ONE IN THIS WORLD COULD POSSIBLY BE AS HAPPY AS WE ARE BECAUSE WE ARE SO SO SO IN LOVE AND HAPPIER THAN ANYONE ELSE HAS EVER BEEN OR EVER WILL BE BECAUSE WE ARE SO SO SO IN LOVE" -ness of it all.
shut up.
really.
please.
do us a favor.
also, that goes for all you women and your pregnant belly pictures. You're pregnant. We're excited for you. You're getting rounder. That's normal. Please stop with the "baby bump" pictures.
Sorry, enough of my ranting.
And I'm really going to try to make this not about how blissfully happy and in love we are. Don't get me wrong, we are super happy and super in love, but I know that's not what you want to hear about. You honestly don't want to hear about this, and I'm sorry but I haven't posted in a long time, and everything I've tried to write has been a rant on pregnant girls posting pictures of their non-exsistant tummies because they're 6 weeks along and not even showing yet. For the love of all things holy, stop. I'm just trying to get back in the writing game. So be patient. You can even click the back button now if you're tired of me. I'll be ok without you.
Sorry, I'm cynical tonight and upset with pregnant people apparently.
My wedding was special to me, and that's why I want to blog about it I guess. Because that's the point of this blog.
It's for me as much as it is for you sad suckers who I trick into reading it.
Please, keep reading it. I love you all.
So should I get the the point?
My wedding was awesome.
It was perfect weather, which was a huge concern. May weddings are tricky, but I guess all weddings are because Utah weather is as temperamental as I am. Which is saying something.
We got married May 24th, 2014, in the Brigham City Temple.
How amazing it is to know that I'll be able to be with Matt for all eternity. Ha, sucker. I've got you now. Just kidding, love you, Boo.
I forgot my temple dress in Ogden. We didn't have time to go back and get it. But it turned out to be a great thing because they let me wear my wedding dress for the sealing, which was AWESOME. Crisis averted.
The ceremony was beautiful. Even if I said "well, darn" in the temple (my soul is probably doomed now) when the temple sealer told me I couldn't sit down yet.
And when he asked how it felt to be "Mrs. Berghout" I said "...kinda weird."
I'm rather eloquent, aren't I?
Oh, but it only gets better.
My first action after being presented to all our family outside the temple as Husband and Wife was to shove Matt and yell at him for stepping on my dress.
*face palm*
I then lost him after he wandered away to greet family without taking his new wife with him.
We were off to a super great start.
As sarcastic as that sounds, we really really were off to a super great start, guys.
Because that's who we are.
We're dysfunctional but in the absolute best way possible. In fact, we're dysfunctional just enough to reverse and make us functional. It makes us who we are and it strengthens us so much because it makes us laugh. He makes me happier than I've ever been, and he makes me stronger every day. We build each other up.
I know we don't have a "perfect" relationship, I know we're going to argue about dumb things some times. I know that it's not going to be sunshine and lollipops every day. But I love what we have, and I know that when things get hard we're going to get through them. We've been inseparable since the day we met (you know, other than when he was on a mission in Texas for 2 years), and it's going to stay that way.
Forever.
What an amazing word.
Forever.

thank you notes

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking...
I've always wanted to say that, and now I realize it was a mistake. Let's try this again.
Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking...
Hey. How are you guys? It's been awhile. Like, 6 months awhile. Sorry. Lots has happened. I'M GETTING MARRIED!! Y'all are probably like "and here we go..."
Guys, I promise I'm trying to not be that person. You know- the one that gets engaged and that's the ONLY thing they can talk about. I hate those people. But it's soooo hard to not be one of them. It's the happiest moment of your life thus far, and if it's not, you're doing something wrong. You get to plan the start of your life with the person that you love more than chocolate.
This is a big deal.
Matt is fantastic.
Truly he is.
He's my best friend, the most forgiving person I know, my light in the dark, my knight in shining armor, and all the other cliche things people in love say ;)
And in like less than 3 months I get to marry him and it's so exciting and it feels forever away but I'm having panic attacks about flowers because apparently those are important and so is cake but honestly I don't even like cake but they have pretty cool cake flavors so I'm kind of excited about this cake because it might just be chocolate raspberry and that's like two of my favorite things combined into a delicious flavor but it's cake and what the heck is Bavarian cream because it sounds delicious but it's cake and I don't like cake but this cake might change everything that I have ever previously known about cake but if it doesn't I guess that's ok and why on earth is batter and frosting this expensive and-
Sorry.
This post isn't about any of that. We can discuss cake at a different time.
This post is about you.
Yes, YOU.
Thank you for being here for me still.
My choice to marry Matt was not well received by quite a few people. I guess that's what happens when people expect you to end up with your ex-boyfriend still. I guess I really didn't have any room to be surprised by the huge number of friend I lost over my choice. It was kind of hard to come to terms with though. The couple weeks after I announced I was engaged were not easy for me. I received a myriad of texts and facebook messages and phone calls that were less than nice.
Before my Grandma died nearly two years ago she told us that we need to do what's right, even when it's not the popular thing to do. So that's what I did. Not everyone like what I decided. But why should that matter? I'm doing what makes me happy, and that is the important thing. I have my reasoning for choosing Matt, and if anyone has any questions as to why he was my choice, feel free to ask me.
But, back to YOU. Like I said... Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. I had honestly never felt so abandoned, and sometimes the mean things people said still come back to mind and hurt. But then I remember that I still have all of you. People that, for whatever reason, still care. Many people that still want what's best for me and love me unconditionally. Although this is the happiest time of my life so far, it has also been one of the darkest because of how badly I cope with negativity directed towards me. I love you all so much, and I can't thank you enough.