Since I'm an expert on basically everything I decided to share my very own guidelines on how to behave on Facebook (and Instagram and other social media websites that I know nothing about.)
Rule no. 1:
Overly-vague statuses need to stop. Right this second.
Feeling overwhelmed :O
Why.
Can't handle this right now...
what. can't handle what.
So excited!!!!!!!!
Why. Why would you possibly be excited.
BIG THINGS COMING!!
Like what? what on earth are you talking about. Blimps are big, is a blimp coming?
Feeling sick :(
Then do something about it, dang it. You're not getting my sympathy.
So Blessed :D
This means nothing to me unless you tell me why. I would like to be happy for you and feel joy with you, but you're not giving me anything to work with.
We know you're begging for attention and for people to plead on their knees for more details to your overly-vague statuses. Eventually they're going to catch on and no one will want to talk to you.
This also goes for just using the emoticons that Facebook has so wonderfully provided. If you're going to use the faces, make sure you're telling us WHY, and not in a vague way.
Rule no. 2:
There is such a thing as TOO MUCH INFORMATION (TMI, for all you hip youngsters) (WAIT. Hip + Youngsters = HIPSTERS. Figured it out, you all owe me money now.) (I'm not sure why I'd be entitled to your money, but roll with it, k, guys?) (Thanks.) (parentheses.)
For heavens sake, I do not need to know that your baby pooped on you. I especially did not need to SEE that your baby pooped on you. Thanks, but no thanks. Seriously. I know you think it's cute, but no one else does, and if they do they probably need clinical help. If you wouldn't go show your next door neighbor, don't put it on Facebook. And if on the off chance you would go show your neighbor your child's bowel movement, you probably need clinical help, too.
Rule no. 3:
Appropriateness - A good rule of thumb is "would I say this to my parents or show my younger siblings this picture?" If yes, then you're probably good to go. Everyone is going to have different standards, but that doesn't mean you should posting porn and profanity. There are children here, fo reals.
Rule no. 4.
Really, you don't need to post 4 times a day. once is probably enough. And if you're going to post multiple times, don't do it within 3 minutes of each other. I know it's hard. I know you have oh so much to say, but it's good to practice self control. Also apply this to blogging- if you love to blog and love to write, then for the love of all things holy, WRITE. But pace yourself. You don't need to write 2 posts a day every day. It's ok. We'll be here tomorrow. And the next day. and the next. Because we're addicts, and that's what we do.
Rule no. 5:
Like I just barely mentioned, we're social media addicts. that's why we find ourselves scrolling through our newsfeed even when we know nothing has change. That's why we blog, why we post pictures of our daily activities, and tell everyone what's going on today. But there's a time, definitely more frequent than we realize, that we need to put it away. Put the phone down. Close the laptop. Trust me, in 10 years your kids will NOT be thanking you for documenting every second of their lives on Facebook and Instagram. I'm sure they'd much rather be spending time with you without your phone or tablet in their face, telling them to do whatever cute thing they just did again so you can post it on various social sites. Kids are cute, I know. But this is your time with them, they don't get a whole lot of time with just you. Don't share them with the world, let them be just yours for as long as you can. We spend so much time on social media sites that we forget what life is even about - namely, LIVING.
Well, that's a good start. I'm sure I have more to say but I'm going to end it here before I make too many people mad. If anyone reading this breaks any of my rules, they're more like guidelines anyways, and I still love you. Just... promise you'll work on it, k? We'll get through this, and I promise I won't lash out at you, yet. Now go play outside.
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