The Way You Are.

Robin Williams lost a great battle yesterday, and it makes my heart ache. Not only because we lost a great actor, comedian, and someone that I'm sure we all felt to be our friend, but because we all sat so blind to the horrible struggle he was facing.
Suicide is such a taboo topic in society. We don't talk about it. We don't ask about it. And all too often we find ourselves looking down on those that choose to end their own lives.
Why didn't they ask for help?
If only they had said something.
Didn't they know we loved them?
How could they do this to us?

I sat on the bathroom floor, crying.
I've been there plenty of times in numerous bathrooms, crying about an array of things.
I think that most people have a moment where the bathroom floor is the best place to cry.
Broken hearts,
bad grades,
losing a loved one,
someone called you ugly,
you're embarrassed for all the stupid reasons you're crying and the bathroom door has a lock.
It was a good place to cry.
I reached a low on that bathroom floor that I had never reached before, and finally all I could do was pray.
I offered a prayer that I don't think anyone should have to say, but I think a lot of us do anyway.
Help me stop hating myself.
There were a lot of things leading up to that.
Stress, unresolved anger issues towards myself that had been building since I was 15, feelings of inadequacy, and finally
hope.
Hope that I wasn't the monster I believed I was. Hope that I wasn't ugly, wasn't stupid, wasn't alone. Hope that, through God, I wouldn't always feel like this,
and that there was a way out.
And it wasn't the way out that so many resort to.
I don't want anyone to think that I'm miserable, because I'm not. There's so much good in my life, and I know it. I have the most incredible, loving, supportive husband and family. I have a million reasons to find joy in my life, and I did for the most part.
But when I was alone I didn't know what to do because I couldn't stand the thought of who I was.
Depression is the greatest battle I have ever faced, and it is continuous. Often, people find themselves attracted to any sort of temporary high, just to get them away from the pain. Addictions only deepen feelings of hatred.
It's a pain that no one understands, because we are all different.
Which is what makes it so hard.
We all face our own trials, carry our own burdens, and fight our own battles.
I've had a pretty great life. I have so much to live for, and I know I'm not as lost as I feel sometimes.
The battle against ourselves is the hardest battle we will ever fight.
Sometimes...
We lose.
I think Robin Williams got tired of fighting the relentless surge of anger, sadness, fear, and anxiety. Through the smiles and the laughs, he was tired. So he let go. He wasn't trying to hurt anyone, he was trying to save himself. It's a moment of desperation that many people will never ever have to experience. Suicide is not the answer, and it never will be, but sometimes it's the only "logic" we can find.
My first intention with posting is this: Be careful with what you say, and how you treat people, because you never know what they're going through. Be supportive, be loving, give compliments and hugs. Help people love themselves, because it's a struggle that sometimes we don't understand.
The second reason I've done this is to let you know that I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I don't want people to think they have to fix me.
That's the other thing I've learned.
I'm not broken.
No matter how often it feels like I am,
I'm not.
I'm not perfect. There will always be things that I would like to change or do better.
but...
I'm not broken.
I'm strong.
I'm beautiful.
And so are you. If you ever need help or someone to talk to I promise I will understand in every way that I can. I've been there. I'm still there.
I'm getting better though.

Mrs. Berghout's (what?) Guide to handling Social Media like a Champ.

Since I'm an expert on basically everything I decided to share my very own guidelines on how to behave on Facebook (and Instagram and other social media websites that I know nothing about.)

Rule no. 1:

Overly-vague statuses need to stop. Right this second.
 Feeling overwhelmed :O
Why.
Can't handle this right now...
what. can't handle what.
So excited!!!!!!!!
Why. Why would you possibly be excited.
BIG THINGS COMING!!
Like what? what on earth are you talking about. Blimps are big, is a blimp coming?
Feeling sick :(
Then do something about it, dang it. You're not getting my sympathy.
So Blessed :D
This means nothing to me unless you tell me why. I would like to be happy for you and feel joy with you, but you're not giving me anything to work with.
We know you're begging for attention and for people to plead on their knees for more details to your overly-vague statuses. Eventually they're going to catch on and no one will want to talk to you.
This also goes for just using the emoticons that Facebook has so wonderfully provided. If you're going to use the faces, make sure you're telling us WHY, and not in a vague way.

Rule no. 2:

There is such a thing as TOO MUCH INFORMATION (TMI, for all you hip youngsters) (WAIT. Hip + Youngsters = HIPSTERS. Figured it out, you all owe me money now.) (I'm not sure why I'd be entitled to your money, but roll with it, k, guys?) (Thanks.) (parentheses.)

For heavens sake, I do not need to know that your baby pooped on you. I especially did not need to SEE that your baby pooped on you. Thanks, but no thanks. Seriously. I know you think it's cute, but no one else does, and if they do they probably need clinical help. If you wouldn't go show your next door neighbor, don't put it on Facebook. And if on the off chance you would go show your neighbor your child's bowel movement, you probably need clinical help, too.

Rule no. 3:

Appropriateness - A good rule of thumb is "would I say this to my parents or show my younger siblings this picture?" If yes, then you're probably good to go. Everyone is going to have different standards, but that doesn't mean you should posting porn and profanity. There are children here, fo reals.

Rule no. 4.

Really, you don't need to post 4 times a day. once is probably enough. And if you're going to post multiple times, don't do it within 3 minutes of each other. I know it's hard. I know you have oh so much to say, but it's good to practice self control. Also apply this to blogging- if you love to blog and love to write, then for the love of all things holy, WRITE. But pace yourself. You don't need to write 2 posts a day every day. It's ok. We'll be here tomorrow. And the next day. and the next. Because we're addicts, and that's what we do.

Rule no. 5:

Like I just barely mentioned, we're social media addicts. that's why we find ourselves scrolling through our newsfeed even when we know nothing has change. That's why we blog, why we post pictures of our daily activities, and tell everyone what's going on today. But there's a time, definitely more frequent than we realize, that we need to put it away. Put the phone down. Close the laptop. Trust me, in 10 years your kids will NOT be thanking you for documenting every second of their lives on Facebook and Instagram. I'm sure they'd much rather be spending time with you without your phone or tablet in their face, telling them to do whatever cute thing they just did again so you can post it on various social sites. Kids are cute, I know. But this is your time with them, they don't get a whole lot of time with just you. Don't share them with the world, let them be just yours for as long as you can. We spend so much time on social media sites that we forget what life is even about - namely, LIVING.

Well, that's a good start. I'm sure I have more to say but I'm going to end it here before I make too many people mad. If anyone reading this breaks any of my rules, they're more like guidelines anyways, and I still love you. Just... promise you'll work on it, k? We'll get through this, and I promise I won't lash out at you, yet. Now go play outside.