It's not me, it's you.

Friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances, and people that I dislike but can't quite bring myself to delete from my life because we've known each other for years, and I'm just a little too nice for that,

Hi.

So, basically, 

I really don't know where to start.

Um, 

simply put (and I'm sure much to the shock of my mother),

I'm taking a break from Facebook.

I'm not deleting my profile.

I'm not "running away".

I know I'll be back, and I'm not trying to impress you all with my "willpower" to step away.

I'm not trying to get your sympathies, your "But I'll miss you!"s, and I don't particularly think anyone will care. I'm not making a statement, I'm not going to brag about being off the grid, or whatever nonsense people say when they do as I'm doing. I'm not even writing this to announce my departure/hiatus.

I'm doing this because I hate Facebook.

And I want you to know why.

Sure, I like being in touch with people. I love the majority of you. Seriously. I get to be connected with my family that lives far away, and for that I'm grateful.

I love being able to keep you semi up to date with my life, and share funny things with one another, brag about my husband, and write about all the good things in my life.

Sweet stories, cute messages, inspiring words... they're all good things.

What I hate however, is your opinion.

Obviously, we're entitled to think what we want about whatever we want. I respect that we don't see eye to eye on a few things, some things, a lot of things, or basically everything.

But I am so darn sick and tired of hearing what you think about

EVERYTHING.

I don't care.

I mean, I do.

but at the same time

I really, really don't.

Does that make sense?

I've been an avid Facebook user since I was about 17. I scroll through my newsfeed even when I know there's nothing new or worth of my time just because I'm bored, or want to preoccupy my mind with something other than worrying about school. And, like I said, I'm not quitting Facebook entirely. I have a little brother to make sure I'm adequately teasing, and I will be 'liking' any and all pictures of my nephew-to-be in December-ish.

To some of you, not using Facebook much isn't a big deal.

But, honestly guys, if it's to the point that I'M sick of it... there's a problem.

Everyone is so mean to each other, cramming opinions down someone else's throat all while saying "I mean, it's just my opinion, but..." making it seem innocent and harmless...

but I feel like probably the biggest part of being civil human being is RESPECTING each other's beliefs and opinions and interests without needing to throw in our two cents.

And I sincerely hope that anyone that takes the time to read this really considers how they use Facebook, if and how they spread negativity, and how poorly we treat our so called "friends" by making them feel invalidated for whatever reason.

Be kind.

Or as my dad would say to my cats: "BE NICE AND NICE!"

Dear Ogden,

Hi guys.

Man, I don't even know where to start.

I know I said I was prone to crying at State finals, and I'm probably the biggest baby of all time. I didn't let you see me cry, because I'm supposed to be the mean, tough one and I couldn't ruin that illusion. I cried on the way back to the school though. And then I stopped doing that because I'm an adult and not a baby.

And then the day after Finals I cried. Like all day. And I had no idea why I was so sad and I just figured I was dying or something because this was consistent crying and Matt kept asking what was wrong and I'd cry harder and harder and yell "I DON'T KNOW!" which was super frustrating because I hate crying for no reason and it's stupid and FINALLY

it hit me.

"What are we going to do without them?..." I asked in a quiet moment with fewer tears.

Matt is sweet and kind, like you all know, and supportive and hates to see people sad. So he tried to give me the best answer he could think of. "Oh, well have more adventures and have our own kids!"

And then sobbing commenced again.

"BUT I WANT THOSE ONES!"

Two things to take away from that. One: If any of your parents decide they no longer want you, we have an extra bedroom and we can adopt all of you. We'll make it work. and Two: I can't even begin to imagine what life will be like without spending it with you guys.

Drumline is one of the most time consuming, difficult, stressful, wonderful, rewarding, incredible activities I have ever been a part of. I know we didn't win the competition, but man, you guys are all winners to me. I know that sounds cheesy. I know that's what the coach says as he hands out the participation medals. But to watch a group of totally unique, psychotic individuals come together and produce something as amazing as you did - that's where the real victory is. Seeing the way you've all grown and become more confident in your abilities over the last 2 years, 1 year, 6 months - however long we've been blessed to be a part of your lives - that's the most rewarding feeling. I hope you're proud of yourselves, because I sure am. It was never about winning. It was always about you. And if you guys could walk off the floor feeling like you did the absolute best you could, then that was enough. 

What you gave us was more than enough.

Matt and I have been through a lot over the past two years. And it would not have been the same without you. You've taught us so much and you've made so many memories with us that we will cherish forever. Or until I get dementia, because that runs in the family.

I wish I could tell you how grateful I am for all of you, (and your incredible, supportive, life-saving parents) and actually do my feelings justice. I hope we could teach you something in the two years Matt was your Drumline instructor, or at least make you realize that there isn't a single thing you can't achieve if you really work for it. I hope you'll always push for greatness, and never settle for mediocrity with anything in life, because you're better than that.  I also hope you find someone else to make Lord of the Rings references with you, because that was my major contribution to this program, and I'd hate to see you go without that.

So-

Eli, Lars, Tyler (Kronk), Ethan Heiner, Jake, Jackson/Chandler, Page, Taylor, Tyler (pocket-size), Logan, Harrison, Maren, Matt (Ducky), Smith, Ben, Ethan Merenda (I'll pretend I spelled that right), Ace, JD, Kaleb, Rachel, Aiden, Marley, Garrett, Rachel, and Gabe,

Oh, and Brittney, Braxton, Luis, Matt Cleverly, Savannah, the Garrett from Ben Lomond, and of course, big thanks to Emily!...

Thank you. So much. I don't know how else to say it. You have changed our lives for the better, and we really can't even begin to figure out what we'll do without you. But thank goodness this doesn't have to be goodbye unless you're all real tired of us and just want to be left alone. We'll be around, though. And then, in 10 years, we'll look back at our time with Ogden High School's Drumline and think, 

"Man. That was nostalgic."

and y'all better keep in touch or else I'll come after you. 

Secret Club

I recently became part of an exclusive club, although I didn't realized it at first.
That's how exclusive it is.
Through a series of rather unfortunate events I was led to this secret society. So secret, that most of the members are unaware of their involvement in it.
I'm not sure if I would go as far as to say I belong to a cult... but it's probably close.
Sorry, hows this for the first post I've written in 5 months? Last you heard from me was "Y'all stop being Cray Cray." and now I'm all like "hi, I'm in a cult-like thing."
Let me explain.
just over a year ago I experienced a rather traumatic (my life is easy) occurrence in which my hair decided to fall out. Ok, well it broke off really short. And continued to do so for months. At first it was hardly noticeable. I had a little fuzzy patch and luckily there was hair to cover it. No big deal. And then... it became a big deal because it wouldn't stop and soon I was missing a third of my hair and it was a total crisis because I loved my hair and I really wasn't that mean to it and I just didn't understand why it was doing this to me because obviously I didn't deserve this and this is what they meant by cruel and unusual punishment and I was constantly crying because every morning another chunk would break off and it was a very hard time in my life.
*Breathes deeply*
It's fine. I came to the conclusion that this was not ok, and that in order to stop the constant turmoil my life was experiencing, I would just cut it off. then it couldn't fall out. So, I cut my hair. It was short. I cried some more, because most of my hair was about an inch and a half long. BUT it wasn't falling out anymore. My plan had worked.
And so it grew and grew and grew but didn't get much longer, and grew some more and then I had this mullet thing going on so I cut it and it grew and grew and I WAS SO BORED. There are very limited amounts of things you can do with short hair. I got really good at curling it, so that's a plus. But, I like doing things with my hair. I hate doing the same thing with it every day and only really having one other option and faux hawks were cool but probably on other people not me, and it got too long too soon to keep up with all the punky styles that look so good with short hair and I hated it.
So, in an effort to combat the monotony...
I dyed it.
Red.
First, everyone commented on just how RED it was. Like it was some huge surprise. and then, the fellow red-heads began to take notice.
in a very
unusual
way.
When the compliments from the non-red-haired people stopped, the Gingers began to move in. People that had never noticed me before were suddenly drawn towards me, fascinated in the trait that we now shared. They taught me the secret code of making finger guns and saying "nice hair" with a wink and a sly smile. This was pretty much the only requirement to be inducted into the Red Hair Society. If you could follow that routine every time you see someone with red hair, then you were good to go. The shade of the red does not matter. Whether we come by the color naturally or not is no concern. We love all people with red hair, and slightly look down our noses at all people that do not have the fortune to be one of us. We're a little narcissistic. And I worry for the ramifications that may occur when I choose to leave this Red Hair Society... I mean, IF I choose to leave. Feel free to join us any time...
and remember - Finger Guns.