It's not me, it's you.

Friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances, and people that I dislike but can't quite bring myself to delete from my life because we've known each other for years, and I'm just a little too nice for that,

Hi.

So, basically, 

I really don't know where to start.

Um, 

simply put (and I'm sure much to the shock of my mother),

I'm taking a break from Facebook.

I'm not deleting my profile.

I'm not "running away".

I know I'll be back, and I'm not trying to impress you all with my "willpower" to step away.

I'm not trying to get your sympathies, your "But I'll miss you!"s, and I don't particularly think anyone will care. I'm not making a statement, I'm not going to brag about being off the grid, or whatever nonsense people say when they do as I'm doing. I'm not even writing this to announce my departure/hiatus.

I'm doing this because I hate Facebook.

And I want you to know why.

Sure, I like being in touch with people. I love the majority of you. Seriously. I get to be connected with my family that lives far away, and for that I'm grateful.

I love being able to keep you semi up to date with my life, and share funny things with one another, brag about my husband, and write about all the good things in my life.

Sweet stories, cute messages, inspiring words... they're all good things.

What I hate however, is your opinion.

Obviously, we're entitled to think what we want about whatever we want. I respect that we don't see eye to eye on a few things, some things, a lot of things, or basically everything.

But I am so darn sick and tired of hearing what you think about

EVERYTHING.

I don't care.

I mean, I do.

but at the same time

I really, really don't.

Does that make sense?

I've been an avid Facebook user since I was about 17. I scroll through my newsfeed even when I know there's nothing new or worth of my time just because I'm bored, or want to preoccupy my mind with something other than worrying about school. And, like I said, I'm not quitting Facebook entirely. I have a little brother to make sure I'm adequately teasing, and I will be 'liking' any and all pictures of my nephew-to-be in December-ish.

To some of you, not using Facebook much isn't a big deal.

But, honestly guys, if it's to the point that I'M sick of it... there's a problem.

Everyone is so mean to each other, cramming opinions down someone else's throat all while saying "I mean, it's just my opinion, but..." making it seem innocent and harmless...

but I feel like probably the biggest part of being civil human being is RESPECTING each other's beliefs and opinions and interests without needing to throw in our two cents.

And I sincerely hope that anyone that takes the time to read this really considers how they use Facebook, if and how they spread negativity, and how poorly we treat our so called "friends" by making them feel invalidated for whatever reason.

Be kind.

Or as my dad would say to my cats: "BE NICE AND NICE!"

Dear Ogden,

Hi guys.

Man, I don't even know where to start.

I know I said I was prone to crying at State finals, and I'm probably the biggest baby of all time. I didn't let you see me cry, because I'm supposed to be the mean, tough one and I couldn't ruin that illusion. I cried on the way back to the school though. And then I stopped doing that because I'm an adult and not a baby.

And then the day after Finals I cried. Like all day. And I had no idea why I was so sad and I just figured I was dying or something because this was consistent crying and Matt kept asking what was wrong and I'd cry harder and harder and yell "I DON'T KNOW!" which was super frustrating because I hate crying for no reason and it's stupid and FINALLY

it hit me.

"What are we going to do without them?..." I asked in a quiet moment with fewer tears.

Matt is sweet and kind, like you all know, and supportive and hates to see people sad. So he tried to give me the best answer he could think of. "Oh, well have more adventures and have our own kids!"

And then sobbing commenced again.

"BUT I WANT THOSE ONES!"

Two things to take away from that. One: If any of your parents decide they no longer want you, we have an extra bedroom and we can adopt all of you. We'll make it work. and Two: I can't even begin to imagine what life will be like without spending it with you guys.

Drumline is one of the most time consuming, difficult, stressful, wonderful, rewarding, incredible activities I have ever been a part of. I know we didn't win the competition, but man, you guys are all winners to me. I know that sounds cheesy. I know that's what the coach says as he hands out the participation medals. But to watch a group of totally unique, psychotic individuals come together and produce something as amazing as you did - that's where the real victory is. Seeing the way you've all grown and become more confident in your abilities over the last 2 years, 1 year, 6 months - however long we've been blessed to be a part of your lives - that's the most rewarding feeling. I hope you're proud of yourselves, because I sure am. It was never about winning. It was always about you. And if you guys could walk off the floor feeling like you did the absolute best you could, then that was enough. 

What you gave us was more than enough.

Matt and I have been through a lot over the past two years. And it would not have been the same without you. You've taught us so much and you've made so many memories with us that we will cherish forever. Or until I get dementia, because that runs in the family.

I wish I could tell you how grateful I am for all of you, (and your incredible, supportive, life-saving parents) and actually do my feelings justice. I hope we could teach you something in the two years Matt was your Drumline instructor, or at least make you realize that there isn't a single thing you can't achieve if you really work for it. I hope you'll always push for greatness, and never settle for mediocrity with anything in life, because you're better than that.  I also hope you find someone else to make Lord of the Rings references with you, because that was my major contribution to this program, and I'd hate to see you go without that.

So-

Eli, Lars, Tyler (Kronk), Ethan Heiner, Jake, Jackson/Chandler, Page, Taylor, Tyler (pocket-size), Logan, Harrison, Maren, Matt (Ducky), Smith, Ben, Ethan Merenda (I'll pretend I spelled that right), Ace, JD, Kaleb, Rachel, Aiden, Marley, Garrett, Rachel, and Gabe,

Oh, and Brittney, Braxton, Luis, Matt Cleverly, Savannah, the Garrett from Ben Lomond, and of course, big thanks to Emily!...

Thank you. So much. I don't know how else to say it. You have changed our lives for the better, and we really can't even begin to figure out what we'll do without you. But thank goodness this doesn't have to be goodbye unless you're all real tired of us and just want to be left alone. We'll be around, though. And then, in 10 years, we'll look back at our time with Ogden High School's Drumline and think, 

"Man. That was nostalgic."

and y'all better keep in touch or else I'll come after you. 

Secret Club

I recently became part of an exclusive club, although I didn't realized it at first.
That's how exclusive it is.
Through a series of rather unfortunate events I was led to this secret society. So secret, that most of the members are unaware of their involvement in it.
I'm not sure if I would go as far as to say I belong to a cult... but it's probably close.
Sorry, hows this for the first post I've written in 5 months? Last you heard from me was "Y'all stop being Cray Cray." and now I'm all like "hi, I'm in a cult-like thing."
Let me explain.
just over a year ago I experienced a rather traumatic (my life is easy) occurrence in which my hair decided to fall out. Ok, well it broke off really short. And continued to do so for months. At first it was hardly noticeable. I had a little fuzzy patch and luckily there was hair to cover it. No big deal. And then... it became a big deal because it wouldn't stop and soon I was missing a third of my hair and it was a total crisis because I loved my hair and I really wasn't that mean to it and I just didn't understand why it was doing this to me because obviously I didn't deserve this and this is what they meant by cruel and unusual punishment and I was constantly crying because every morning another chunk would break off and it was a very hard time in my life.
*Breathes deeply*
It's fine. I came to the conclusion that this was not ok, and that in order to stop the constant turmoil my life was experiencing, I would just cut it off. then it couldn't fall out. So, I cut my hair. It was short. I cried some more, because most of my hair was about an inch and a half long. BUT it wasn't falling out anymore. My plan had worked.
And so it grew and grew and grew but didn't get much longer, and grew some more and then I had this mullet thing going on so I cut it and it grew and grew and I WAS SO BORED. There are very limited amounts of things you can do with short hair. I got really good at curling it, so that's a plus. But, I like doing things with my hair. I hate doing the same thing with it every day and only really having one other option and faux hawks were cool but probably on other people not me, and it got too long too soon to keep up with all the punky styles that look so good with short hair and I hated it.
So, in an effort to combat the monotony...
I dyed it.
Red.
First, everyone commented on just how RED it was. Like it was some huge surprise. and then, the fellow red-heads began to take notice.
in a very
unusual
way.
When the compliments from the non-red-haired people stopped, the Gingers began to move in. People that had never noticed me before were suddenly drawn towards me, fascinated in the trait that we now shared. They taught me the secret code of making finger guns and saying "nice hair" with a wink and a sly smile. This was pretty much the only requirement to be inducted into the Red Hair Society. If you could follow that routine every time you see someone with red hair, then you were good to go. The shade of the red does not matter. Whether we come by the color naturally or not is no concern. We love all people with red hair, and slightly look down our noses at all people that do not have the fortune to be one of us. We're a little narcissistic. And I worry for the ramifications that may occur when I choose to leave this Red Hair Society... I mean, IF I choose to leave. Feel free to join us any time...
and remember - Finger Guns.

The Human Condition, Part Two

I read the news.
A lot.
I try to keep up to date on what is happening through the world, the country, the state, the city. I like to be informed.
When I find things that upset me I do one of two things. Either let it engulf my soul entirely, or stop reading about it because I really just don't want to be sad about things.
Seems like some rather extreme behaviors, but... flawed coping mechanisms.
I'll be honest- I have not followed every detail of what's been happening in Ferguson, Missouri, over the last few months. I've picked up quite a bit of it though. It's brought to light concerns of police brutality, of racially motivated shootings, but also how quickly and irrationally we react to believe that either party was completely without fault. From the evidence I've seen, I believe that the right decision has been made. A loss of a life is tragic, regardless.
Now, I don't want to dwell on the case or argue my point. Really, what disturbs me so much about this... is how we've chosen to respond.
Riots.
Not just in Missouri, but all over the country.
We are entitled to our opinions,
we are entitled to be upset about things.
But no one is entitled under any circumstance to destroy simply because they are upset.
I'll be frank.
The idiots that are protesting are burning the city to the ground. And yes, I did say idiots. Why? I don't typically like to label people, but from what I've heard, that's the best word I can use to describe them. Lighting everything they can on fire, looting what isn't burned, and saying it is all in the name of justice for Michael Brown.
Since when was the answer to violence MORE violence?
Sadly, it seems it always has been.
Instead of trying to make this world a better place, we all seem to be set on destroying it.
I don't think anyone seems to realize the stupidity and hypocrisy behind their actions. They feel an innocent life has been taken by a police officer that overstep his boundaries and committed a crime himself. And so, as a consequence for not seeing the result they wanted, they attacked innocent people as well. Those stores you looted? That was someone's life savings, their investment, their lively-hood. The cars you burned? That hurt someone too. The city you are set on burning to the ground? That was yours.
Open your eyes.
You want a solution? Stop contributing to the problem.

The Human Condition

This is one of those posts that probably won't be happy.

It might be a little nagging.

Something has caught my attention, and when that happens I obsess over it like it might be a life or death situation.

I'm fairly certain that my inability to cope with certain things led to my hair falling out.

It's growing back now, but I need to not give it a reason to continue making me bald.

But, here we go.

I had a dear friend lose her brother-in-law a few days ago. It was covered by several news organizations because of the situation he and his family were in.

Of course the articles about Isaac and his family were posted on Facebook, and as I was reading through the kind wonderful things people were saying, the support, the love, I ran across a comment that made me sick.

Why is this news? I mean, it's sad what they're going through, but I've never heard of him.

Really?

It's "news" because his family needs help, and his situation wasn't common. Why does someone need to be widely known to be considered important enough to be "news"? 

And that got me thinking.

I started to thing about the human condition and where we are now. 

How selfish we are.

How little we care about others.

And it's a problem.

I've noticed that so many have stopped recognizing others as even being on the same level as themselves.

We focus so much on ourselves that we seem to forget the existence of others. I mean, we're aware that there are other people on this earth but how are they seen? As obstacles on our path to get what we want? As problems that we just have to deal with for a few hours, and then we'll be back on our way to whatever success we're trying to get?

I love this time of year. I love that everyone seems to focus more on what we have and what we should be thankful for. All the blessings we have and that we have more than we need. And then Christmas rolls around and we have the chance to give, to serve, to love people that sometimes, unfortunately, we'd ignore or look down on.

But then it stops. And we're right back to the selfish, demeaning society we are.

Everyone talks about the world getting worse and worse, but whose fault is that? 

It's ours.

We can't control everyone in this world. We can't stop everyone from doing bad things. But we can control ourselves. It's amazing the difference we can make. 

But it has to start here. With us. 

If everyone just

STOPPED

being selfish and being concerned about only themselves

then just imagine what this world could be.

Dear Bingham,

Dear Bingham High School Students (present day),

     First, I'd like to say that I was a student at Bingham. Woah. True Story. Not that long ago either. I have some thoughts I'd like to share with you.
   Some of you decided to stage a "walk out" to protest your disdain for the dress code imposed on you for the Homecoming dance. Um, I'm sorry. What? Could you be any more childish and naive? You're going to argue that you stood up for something that you believed in.  So explain to me all the happy smiling pictures of kids walking away from class. This was a just an excuse to leave class early because you were MAD. You were upset, and whether or not you can justify a reason to be, you did the exact wrong thing.
     A "walk out". Really? When I was in high school we attempted to organize a walk-out. Why? Because the school district had cut funding to the point that Bingham could not afford to buy PAPER. We had it all planned out. If the school district wasn't going to provide the high school with supplies to help TEACH us, then we weren't going to go to school until something changed. We were going to get up and quietly walk out of 2nd period to protest that our school did not have funding to provide a basic necessity for school work.  Some of you reading this are shaking your heads. We protested not having paper? We were going to protest not having funding by walking away? Seemed like a good idea to us. Shortly before the walk-out was going to happen, our principal got on the intercom and pleaded with us not to. Walking away from our education wasn't winning. It was a stupid thing to do. And I think most of us realized that. We stayed in class. We loved our school. We just wanted to help them.
    But you? You sluffed class because you were upset. Mean ol' Bingham told you you weren't dressed appropriately. So you threw a FIT. Good heavens, children, is this what's important to you? Wearing dresses with no backs? It makes me sick to my stomach to see where your priorities lie. In your clothes. You can dress it up to be as significant as you want. "Freedom of Speech", the "right to express ourselves." Oh yeah? Come live in Ogden with me where you can't wear a shirt with a brand name or logo on it to school. No clever sayings on t-shirts anymore. The kids in Ogden might complain that they can't wear headbands to school, but they sure didn't walk out of class because they didn't like the rules. This is what's important to you. What you wear. I'm sorry, but last time I checked my clothes don't define who I am.
   On a daily basis I live by a dress code. I work a professional job where I represent a company. I'm required to wear dress pants or a skirt that can not be more than 2 inches above my knee. I can only wear specific shoes. Am I a "professional" person? I'm a "grown-up", if that's what you consider professional... But I'd rather be wearing a Vans shirt and skinny jeans with some really beat up old-man lookin' loafers. But am I mad because I can't wear my Vans shirt to work? Did I walk out because I wasn't allowed to wear skinny jeans? Um, no. Hello, welcome to real life. Is that your master plan? Just walk away from your problems? Every time someone puts a rule into place that you don't like you're going to ignore it and then "walk away"? Grow up. Really. You don't like it? Write letters, start a petition, form actual reasons other than "expressing yourself" and present them in a professional way to the school.  Walking out isn't being an adult, that's the exact opposite of being one. You sit here and whine that you want to be treated like adults. If you want to be respected and have people listen to you, then grow up. Your sense of entitlement is disturbing. There will always be rules. There will always be laws. There will always be things that you don't like. Fight for what you believe in. Stand up against what you feel is wrong. But don't be a child an walk away because you're mad. Walking-out is not "taking a stand". Find supporting reasons and facts as to why you should be treated in such a way. Don't let your frustration or anger control you or be the basis of your argument. If a dress code has upset you this much you've got some surprises waiting for you in the real world. Things aren't fair. Get over it. And then do something about it. But don't walk away. Don't think that walking out is ever the answer. It's not. Hopefully you figure that out on your own.

Sincerely,

Kirsten Berghout.
Bingham Miner - Class of 2010

4 Years

Ah, reminiscing.
Since you people only want to read about my happy wonderful marriage, and I hate you for it, here's another happy wonderful post about the happy wonderful things that happen.
Four years ago, to the day (amazing, right? I time these post so well.) a huge part of my life changed. Matt (the husband) left to serve an LDS mission in Forth Worth, Texas for two years.  At that point, Matt and I had only known each other for about 5 months. But we were inseparable from the beginning, absolute best friends. Having him leave was a HUGE deal to me. He text me all the way to the Missionary Training Center in Provo and when he stopped responding I was pretty much distraught. I cried for a week, and that's probably not an exaggeration. For real. I don't deal well with people I like leaving me. Obviously, he was off doing an amazing thing, but I didn't miss him any less.
You'd think that I'd have some idea of what would happen once the kid got home. But if you had told me four years ago I was going to marry Matt, I wouldn't have believed you. But at the same time, it would have made complete sense. Everything happens for a reason, and somehow, some weird girl from South Jordan was supposed to meet tall blonde and handsome up in Ogden. It took us awhile to figure out what was going on, but once we did there was no stopping it.
Even though I was so mad at Texas for taking him away, I'm so glad he went. Don't get me wrong, I would have married the kid regardless of him going on a mission or not, but because he did we both grew in so many ways. It gave me a lot of time to think, a lot of time to figure out what I wanted, and I know it changed him in so many little ways, but those little things made him the rock in my life he is today. It made him stronger, kinder (if that was even possible), even quicker to forgive, and gave him the patience that he needed to put up with me. Forth Worth area, I owe you a lot. You didn't just help Matt grow, but you helped me too.
So much changes in four years. I can't even believe how much happened since September 8th, 2010. These four years have pushed me to my absolute limit, but brought on the most amazing parts of my life as well. Our family experienced in that 4 years one missionary homecoming, two graduations, my grandma passing away, three weddings, a baby, a missionary farewell, and a new 60" HD TV (this is a huge deal, actually). These four years have shaped me and changed me in ways that I can't even explain.
I wouldn't trade any of it.
I really wouldn't.
The last 4 years brought so much, and I know the next will too. I know there's going to be a lot of good. I know there's going to be challenges. There's going to be a lot of them. But it's going to be worth it, and it's going to be great. I'm excited to see where it all takes us.

4 years got us here. 4 years can get us anywhere :)